I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
