i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so let's talk penis.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
