she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
