Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
