Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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