It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
