How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize