"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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