You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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