He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
