Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
