we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
