so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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