sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
