i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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