i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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