Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
