remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
