guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
