i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
