shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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