My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
