I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
