How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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