If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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