his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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