We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
that is very illegal...i love you.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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