Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
