I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
