My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
