Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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