I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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