So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
