Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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