we have officially lost it.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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