I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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