I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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