it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
