he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
