apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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