OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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