Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
