You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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