Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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