the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
