i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
