Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
