I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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