I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So vagazzling was a success
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
