I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
