Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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