I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The air taste purple.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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