thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
