goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
