so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
