Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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