I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
