i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
