as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
