Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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