If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
