I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize