K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
