when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
