he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
