he wants to bone in the snuggie
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
