they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
