Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
