She went from zero to smokin in five shots
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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