are you still at the devil's house?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
