I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
