I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
