you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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