I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
