I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
