think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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