Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
