Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
