I heard we made out
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Green mimosas i think yes
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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