when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
