im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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