so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
