yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
