I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
