I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
