shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
