Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
