woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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