How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
