just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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