if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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