Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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