I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
