Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
