WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
