Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
we should paint friendship bongs
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