Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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