i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize