dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my shit smells like andre
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
