if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
