i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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