Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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