Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
