Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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