everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
