You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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