just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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