I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
