the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
that is very illegal...i love you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize