so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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