He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize