They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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