can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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